Wind Through My Hair

As spring is shyly popping up its head, I'm remembering I love the feeling of spring.  One of the things that got me through months and months of difficulty and hardship in Utah was walking to and from campus.  During the walks I would try to notice the little things.  A lone wildflower gratefully missed by the lawn mower.  Leaves cascading from the tree tops.  A little bird, finding its voice.  But above all else, the wind through my hair.  Sometimes it takes a little nudging to notice what we take for granted.  For me, it's a miserable day.  Those are the times when I try to find a testament of God's love in my surroundings.  Why else would He create such beauty in this world?

I received my acceptance letter to George Mason last week.  It was sweet to drive home to my youngest brother running up to me, trying to greet me at the car window as I pulled into the driveway.  He could hardly catch his breath as he shoved an envelope into my hands and said, "You got a letter from George Mason!"  I just sat, staring at the postage stamps and my name printed on the envelope.  My very anxious and excited brother said, "Well, did you make it?"  I hadn't even begun to tear open the envelope and he was dying inside.  I carefully tore through the sealing.  We both held our breath.  It was a yes.  I was accepted.  In spite of all the nerf-bullet shootings and begging to play video games, it's the moments when my younger brothers let their guards down that remind me that I love them.  This was no exception.  He knew how much this meant to me.  It was the sign I was waiting for that would prove to me I made the right decision moving back out here.  And, he was there to share in the excitement.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

I pray that I will have the experience to feel the wind through my hair and remember it's not about the big moments you expect, but rather the little things that you never notice that change your life.

Finally, It Clicked

I'm the kind of person who can't move past the negative events that have happened in my life.  I don't like to talk about my adolescence much.  It's full of negative emotions.  But, I've been reflecting on my high school years a lot recently.  I feel I can begin to share some of those aspects.  It's no secret I was on the road to become a professional ballerina.  It had been my dream since I was 3 years old.  I studied at The School of Washington Ballet for 4 years.  Some may feel I use it as a scapegoat, but really, it was hell.  When I stopped dancing cold turkey (because yes, it is an addiction in and of itself), I wasn't equipped with many social skills.  I had always believed that I needed everyone to like me.  This was my misery....

But it has FINALLY clicked!  I have begun learning to love [fill in the blank (i.e., life, myself, my family, learning, etc.].  And because of that, I realize that I don't need everyone's stamp of approval.  I am learning I need to be my own best friend.  Really, that's all anyone needs.  When the world is against you, who is going to stand up for you?  Who is going to have your back?  I have been my own bully.  I have not treated myself the way I treat others.  I have picked out the negative events and in turn I have dwelled on them for years on end.  

Now that I am learning to treat myself better, I realize I am worth more than I have ever given myself credit.  I deserve so much more than what I have settled for in the past.  

Well, a lot has happened in my life.  Namely, I got a puppy!  Yay!  He has settled into the home and hearts of my family.  He is a lot of work, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  

This is Riley at 10 1/2 weeks

I do realize I am a crazy dog lady.  I incessantly post videos and pictures of my dog on facebook.  And, I even entered the above photo in a cute pet contest.  This is embarrassing.  I'll move on.  

I'm still loving my work at the hospital.  It makes me realize that no matter if I am remembered in the future, my efforts can make a difference.  The children that most people would turn away from are the ones who change my perspective.  There is one lady who works the shift after me.  She only likes to help the babies in the pediatric unit.  I understand, but at the same time am frustrated because there is so much more work to be done than swaddling infants!  There are more people [and children] in the world than jovial and cute children.  Well, I'll get off my soapbox.

In other news, I went crazy a few weeks ago when I found out Clean Play DVDs was going out of business.  I bought nearly 20 edited R-rated movies.  Some include The Godfather, Amelie, Gladiator, 127 Hours, Slumdog Millionaire, Billy Elliot, and so many others.  What movies do you wish were clean[er]?  

Well, overall, I would say the past 3 weeks have been more positive than toxic.  That's always good.