I look back at the past 6 months and realize I could've cried uncle many times. I wanted to so badly. I could've at the end of summer. I didn't want to begin another semester of school, fearful that I would ruin my near-perfect GPA without the motivation and stamina to endure the break up and stay at the top of my game, aiming to perform well in all arenas in order to be accepted into graduate school. I could've when I began to lose weight. At times I would have rather been force fed. I didn't have the emotional energy to feed myself. While driving home from a doctor's appointment today, I wanted so badly to yell a horrible expletive at the top of my lungs. Why, after 6 months am I still trying to clean up the mess he made of me? I've begun to realize that he did not do this to me. I let him. At times, I wished that somebody would have cried uncle for me. But, agency is a powerful tool that only we can unlock for ourselves.
I look at the populations with which I come in to contact at my internship. If they had cried uncle, many families would still have their children, and in some cases, society would still have many bright and budding youth had they not had to suffer by the hands of their caregivers.
I look at the times people have played with fire. Had they cried uncle, marriages would be intact, addictions would be curbed, and self-sabotage would not exist. We have greater potential than we give ourselves credit. We also have a greater influence than we see. Our choices affect more people than just ourselves. Just like Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life, we have great power--for better or for worse. We just need to step back and see the impact of our choices. Some days will look bleak. But, look beyond that moment. Don't sacrifice a life of happiness for a moment of pleasure.
So what if I had cried uncle? I would have never learned that I can do hard things. We are stronger than we think. Though many times it is easier, and cleaner, to throw in the towel, it is of much more worth to keep going. We will surprise ourselves. I know I surprised myself. We are tested and tried all our lives, but we are human beings with a divine potential. We are not alone. Nor were we ever. The minute we think God has left us, we need to remember the flowers, the clouds, each blade of grass, and the future. Everyone has a future. Make it great. You deserve that. I deserve that.
I don't make New Year's Resolutions, butI hope that I will be able to keep things in perspective--God's perspective--this year. I may not be able to see things from that perspective all the time, but I can have faith in a greater plan than what I have for myself. You should try it. It works miracles. He works miracles.
