Sugar Plums

December is quickly slipping away and I have been spending every free moment rehearsing for performances.  Tomorrow is the culmination of some of the hardest work I've ever done.  Emotionally, and most certainly physically.  The Sugar Plum Fairy is a role I never thought I'd have.  But, my gracious dance instructor, Kalie Lasley trusted me with this role.  I hadn't been back in dance but for a few weeks when I was offered the role.  And the roller coaster began.  

I was far from being in dancer-shape.  My leg muscles had been lost and my stamina was gone since I stopped dancing 5 years ago.  Frustration was enveloping me.  But, after a month or so of rehearsals, I was honest and real.  I was working with an angel, Ms. Tish Cordova of the Virginia Ballet Company and a rock of inspiration, Mr. Mark Rubin.  Mr. Rubin sat me down and asked me my impressions of the work I've done.  I broke down.  My wall crumbled.  I admitted it is difficult to aspire to something that I let go of years ago.  I was ashamed and felt myself hitting a wall.  I will never forget Ms. Cordova's words.  She quoted the book, The Little Engine That Could.

"I think I can I think I can.  I know I can I know I can.  I can I can I can!"

Certainly the things we tell ourselves affect our outcomes.  I've seen this so immediately and directly.  If I say to myself, "I've got this!"  I usually make it through the hardest parts of the 5-6 minute Grand Pas de Deux.  Even when I feel my toes bruising and bleeding in my toe shoes, I make it through.  

Last night was my last rehearsal at Virginia Ballet before my performance tomorrow.  We all reflected on the journey.  I tried to thank them for all their comments and compliments, but they kept saying, "No, we're just telling the truth."

What a gift this experience has been!  I would never have overcome the physical and emotional barriers that were blocking a full corrective emotional experience.  I am stronger because of it.  In spite of my nerves, I am excited to show my parents and especially Ms. Kalie how far I've come.  After writing this post, I am crying.  Who knew I would return to ballet at all.  And, on top of that, who would have surmised that I would be dancing a role I had dreamt about as a little girl?  Surely dreams come full circle.