Dedicated to My Brothers

I love to blog.  There is a sense of relief when I can share my thoughts, ramblings, and "aha moments" with you.  Your genuine comments and support are worth so much to  me.  In turn, I love to read your insights and commentary on life.  I recently read this blog post written by a woman and mentor that I have always looked up to.  In turn, I was inspired to write a little of my opinions on the topic of the oh so memorable high school years.

My younger brother is starting his senior year of high school this fall.  I have watched his high school years with 20/20 hindsight, peering into what high school seems to be and in turn seeing it as it really is, with my perspective as a 5th year college student.  

My biggest concern with high school students is that they have little to no perspective.  Should the high school athletes who punished you in gym class for your lack of athletic ability really affect your view of yourself, extending beyond the realm of the 90 minute gym period?  Will that score of a 2 on the AP Lang exam really make a difference in when you graduate college?  Will your friends hate you forever because of that time you said you couldn't hang out?  

The overarching advice I have for all three scenarios:  It doesn't really matter.  Life extends beyond those 4 years.  For some, they are the best years of their lives, and what a tragedy!  Life has so much to offer.  Once you realize that experience and perspective beget confidence, you have a wiser and sturdier head on your shoulders.  

If I look back at my high school days, I am a little traumatized.  I lost my identity half way through high school, having my parents pull the plug on my ballet career.  But with confidence, I can say life gets better.  The perm (yes, a perm in 2005), the braces, the breakouts, and even the perfect GPA are all things I regret.  The drama of those years wasn't a choice I made, but the fact that I let myself get so absorbed in it was.  Life moves on, even when you don't want it to.  

I look at my life now, and though it can be and will always be rough at times, I would never give away my appreciation for the things that have improved.  Because of those awful growing up years, I am here, alive, and willing to try a little harder to gain eternal perspective.

Please Remind Me Who I Really Am

There are so many things in this life that get us down.  Some are trivial, others seem beyond our threshold.  However, all pain is relative to the person who is suffering and therefore every suffering is painful.  

A week or two before my sister's wedding, I overheard the wedding planner ask, "Mackenzie doesn't have a date?  Really?"  Depending on the circumstances, it could have been interpreted in a different light, but I heard this: "Mackenzie doesn't have anyone to love her.  Pathetic."  I've struggled for the past 4 months with feeling alone.  So alone.  I'm still struggling with a traumatic break-up.  My mind runs a million miles a minute when I'm alone.  Why did he cheat?  Why did he lie?  Why didn't he care?  I thought he was the one.  The demons from my past creep inside my ear and whisper things that aren't true, but seem so luring at the time.  I can sit and dwell on the past, (which I admit I do more than not) or I can push myself.  Test the voices within.  

I taught a lesson for my Relief Society sisters on the first Sunday of the month.  I was prompted to teach on self-esteem and divine worth.  I shared the audio of this video:

I then asked the women how they overcome Satan's push to make us feel less than we are.  The answers were beautiful.  One in particular stood out to me.  The sister said that as she sits in the Celestial room in the temple, she looks in the beautiful, enormous mirror and sees her reflection.  There, in that setting, with the Spirit so strong she can see what the Lord sees in her.  

There are many times when I wish the cloud of forgetfulness would disappear so that I can see what the Lord sees in me.  I need to be reminded everyday that I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father.  I have great worth through the divine mission that I am here on this earth to carry out.  

On a more secular note, as I was getting ready this morning, I looked in the mirror, trying to put my eyeliner on and this song was playing:

It made me realize that everyone has their trials, many of them come from no fault of their own.  We have to learn to love them.  And someday, my prince will come, seeing me for who I really am, reminding me of who I really am.