I Love to See the Temple

Saturday is my sister's wedding.  In some ways, we're all ready for it to be over.  The endless nights of staying up late to prepare, the fights, and the stress, are getting to us.  In other ways, we are holding back the tears when we'll have to hand her over.  The fact that my sister will no longer be exclusively mine hasn't even sunk it yet.  There is no doubt in my mind that she will be a beautiful bride.  She and Cameron have really grown together over the past few months and I applaud Cameron for being able to handle Courtney when she gets tired, or hungry, or stressed.  I thought I would be the only one who could calm her down.  Yet, Cameron might have surpassed my sisterly abilities.  

Over the past little while, there have been a lot of questions concerning the wedding ceremony which will take place in the Latter-day Saint Washington, D.C. Temple Saturday morning.  It may seem strange to those not familiar with our faith that many close friends and even some family members cannot go inside the temple to see the ceremony.  Having grown up in the Church, I wouldn't have weddings any other way.  A temple wedding is sacred and eternal.  Temples are dedicated buildings set aside for the administration of sacred ordinances and the making of sacred covenants.  Temples are where some of the most profound knowledge has and will be received, both personal and general, pertaining to God's plan.  

Though I have not been through the temple and will not be able to see my sister be sealed for time and all eternity, I have a testimony of temples.  As I've mentioned in previous posts, I struggled with an eating disorder and severe depression for over a decade.  During some of my darkest moments, the only thing that kept me living was the promise and hope the temple brings.  I keep my eye to the temple, for I know that someday I will be blessed to enter its walls.  The Prophet Thomas S. Monson said, "Those who understand the eternal blessings which come from the temple know that no sacrifice is too great, no price too heavy, no struggle too difficult in order to receive those blessings."  The struggles and burdens I carried were overcome.

Congratulations Courtney and Cameron.  I love you both!

My Wish

I lost a fellow fighter in the battle against eating disorders and depression earlier this month.  Elizabeth Metcalf died May 18th.  I found out May 24th.  It has been so difficult.  Nights of tears and desperate cries of "why not me?!" have filled the past week.  

We met in a treatment setting a year and a half ago.  Though she was almost 20 years my senior, it was uncanny how alike we were at the time.  We slowly parted ways--one of us died in the eating disorder, the other lives to tell the tale.  

Left to Right: Kaitlyn, Elizabeth, and Me

NEDA Awareness Week Walk February 2011

How do I show the world that eating disorders are serious?  How do I re-dedicate my life to recovery?  How do I allow Elizabeth to inspire me and in turn, inspire those with whom I come in contact?  My goal is to go from ballet studio to ballet studio in the area, inspiring dancers not only to realize the severity of eating disorders but to encourage them to dance from their whole being, in spite of the negativity in the dance world.  I am working with a mental health clinician to develop a sort of outreach program that focuses on eating disorder awareness in the dance setting while at the same time promoting a love for dance.

Though my efforts may never gain mainstream attention, I know that even with each blog post I write, someone is affected.  Elizabeth, your dream was to never be ashamed of being in recovery.  The least I can do is to stop living in silence about my struggles with anorexia and depression and success in overcoming them.

When I was at Center for Change, we would sing "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts to each patient as they moved on to greater things at the time of their discharge.  I can't listen to it without tears gushing from my eyes.  

Elizabeth, this is for you...