My Wish

I lost a fellow fighter in the battle against eating disorders and depression earlier this month.  Elizabeth Metcalf died May 18th.  I found out May 24th.  It has been so difficult.  Nights of tears and desperate cries of "why not me?!" have filled the past week.  

We met in a treatment setting a year and a half ago.  Though she was almost 20 years my senior, it was uncanny how alike we were at the time.  We slowly parted ways--one of us died in the eating disorder, the other lives to tell the tale.  

Left to Right: Kaitlyn, Elizabeth, and Me

NEDA Awareness Week Walk February 2011

How do I show the world that eating disorders are serious?  How do I re-dedicate my life to recovery?  How do I allow Elizabeth to inspire me and in turn, inspire those with whom I come in contact?  My goal is to go from ballet studio to ballet studio in the area, inspiring dancers not only to realize the severity of eating disorders but to encourage them to dance from their whole being, in spite of the negativity in the dance world.  I am working with a mental health clinician to develop a sort of outreach program that focuses on eating disorder awareness in the dance setting while at the same time promoting a love for dance.

Though my efforts may never gain mainstream attention, I know that even with each blog post I write, someone is affected.  Elizabeth, your dream was to never be ashamed of being in recovery.  The least I can do is to stop living in silence about my struggles with anorexia and depression and success in overcoming them.

When I was at Center for Change, we would sing "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts to each patient as they moved on to greater things at the time of their discharge.  I can't listen to it without tears gushing from my eyes.  

Elizabeth, this is for you...