A week or two before my sister's wedding, I overheard the wedding planner ask, "Mackenzie doesn't have a date? Really?" Depending on the circumstances, it could have been interpreted in a different light, but I heard this: "Mackenzie doesn't have anyone to love her. Pathetic." I've struggled for the past 4 months with feeling alone. So alone. I'm still struggling with a traumatic break-up. My mind runs a million miles a minute when I'm alone. Why did he cheat? Why did he lie? Why didn't he care? I thought he was the one. The demons from my past creep inside my ear and whisper things that aren't true, but seem so luring at the time. I can sit and dwell on the past, (which I admit I do more than not) or I can push myself. Test the voices within.
I taught a lesson for my Relief Society sisters on the first Sunday of the month. I was prompted to teach on self-esteem and divine worth. I shared the audio of this video:
I then asked the women how they overcome Satan's push to make us feel less than we are. The answers were beautiful. One in particular stood out to me. The sister said that as she sits in the Celestial room in the temple, she looks in the beautiful, enormous mirror and sees her reflection. There, in that setting, with the Spirit so strong she can see what the Lord sees in her.
There are many times when I wish the cloud of forgetfulness would disappear so that I can see what the Lord sees in me. I need to be reminded everyday that I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father. I have great worth through the divine mission that I am here on this earth to carry out.
On a more secular note, as I was getting ready this morning, I looked in the mirror, trying to put my eyeliner on and this song was playing:
It made me realize that everyone has their trials, many of them come from no fault of their own. We have to learn to love them. And someday, my prince will come, seeing me for who I really am, reminding me of who I really am.
Wonderful and beautifully written. I am especially grateful for how you stated that, "all pain is relative to the person who is suffering and therefore every suffering is painful." Thank you for that statement. I believe many people judge others for suffering "unnecessarily" because it doesn't make sense to them. But pain is pain and I believe we should respect that and definitely not judge. I empathize with your loneliness. It is very hard.
ReplyDeleteI needed this Mackenzie!! You are amazing!!
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty, Mackenzie. I'm sure we've all worried, at some point in our lives, whether our prince will come. I hope you know, although break-ups are difficult, they are part of the process in finding with whom we want to spend eternity. You can now look back with a sureness that you want an honest, devoted man, who treats you like the queen you deserve to be. You are remarkable, beautiful, and a delight to be around! I love you!
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