Momentary Despair

As an LDS student at George Mason University, I woke up early this morning to attend Institute on campus.  It's always hard to leave the comfort of my bed.  Always.  It could be Christmas morning and I would gladly sleep in late.  However, I am especially grateful that I made it to Institute this gloomy Wednesday morning.  

The course material this semester comes from the Doctrine and Covenants and today's topic of discussion was on the lost 116 pages.  Joseph Smith had been translating the Gold Plates with Martin Harris acting as his scribe.  Martin desperately wanted to share the work with his resistant wife and family members, to help them believe in the marvelous work and wonder that was coming forth at the hands of Joseph Smith.  Joseph prayed to ask permission for Martin to show the first 116 pages of the manuscript to his family.  The answer was "no."  Joseph prayed a second time.  The answer was "no."  Finally, Joseph prayed a third time and the answer was "yes," though there were some conditions.  Martin could show the manuscript to only certain people.  Martin disobeyed this counsel the manuscript was lost.  Distraught by this tragedy, Joseph Smith lost the ability and privilege to translate for some time.

The question was raised in the class, "Have you ever strayed or been tempted to stray from what you knew was right?  What were the consequences and how did you resolve to stay on the strait and narrow?"  My answer to this question is where the topic of this post comes from...

The culminating moment that led to my decision to leave BYU began around Halloween of my junior year, 2010.  I lived in Provo with my sister and was transferred to a hospital in Salt Lake.  I was told that my sister could not come visit me as often as I wished, as the drive to Salt Lake after school took too much time away from her studies as a senior at BYU.  Not to mention the early snowfall and dangers of driving at night.  I felt so alone.  In my mind, I could justify indulging in depressive thinking, leading to living less than my potential had in store for me.  Shortly after I was discharged from the hospital, I withdrew from BYU.  The temptations to resist the help of the Lord and my loving family members were strong.  But as I think about this experience, I look back and see the only thing that kept me worthy of the life I have now: faith.  I had been raised in a loving home of goodly parents.  I knew from a young age that I wanted to return to my Father in Heaven.  Every time I played with Barbie and Ken dolls, they ended up getting married in the temple, for I knew from age 3 that the only way to begin to have supreme, everlasting happiness was to be married in the temple.  

I look back and see that I knew then (and still know now), even among the trials I was experiencing, that I could not and would not sacrifice eternal happiness, even in times of momentary despair.  

I read D&C 3:8 with these inclusions:

"Yet you WERE faithful; and he DID extend his arm and supported you against all the fiery darts of the adversary; and he WAS and IS with you in every time of trouble."

I know without a doubt that my life was spared and even blessed because I withstood those times of temptation to stray from what I knew was right.  And I promise to you that He will bless you too if you sacrifice momentary despair for everlasting peace.  I promise.