Little Smiles

How can it be so easy to miss the little smiles in life?  We're all guilty of it.  This weekend my thoughts focused on one thing: the yearly Spring Recital.  I have to admit, I was beyond nervous and anxious and stressed.  Living in Fairfax and trying to travel down to Warrenton at 3 pm rush hour traffic from Monday through Saturday is stressful.  But, that's not all.  I rented a costume from a potentially sketchy website that cost me a couple hundred for a dance I only rehearsed once a week for a little over a month and it only arrived on Wednesday.   In addition, I felt the pressure of not living up to the expectations of parents, students, and co-workers alike as I debuted my first piece of choreography (mind you, for fourteen dancers, aged 5 to 10 years, and ranging in all sorts of ability).  

Nightmares always accompany big events, but I just recently made the connection that when dance is at the forefront of my mind, the flashbacks of horrific and traumatizing past events exponentially increase in my dreams.  As a result, the little demons in my head begin to taunt me more and more, telling me that I will fail and that I am not qualified to proclaim myself an amateur dancer or even a dance teacher.  Don't you hate doubt?  It eats at you like no other.

By the end of the performance, I was able to look back and say everything turned out alright.  My only wish is that I had spent more time with my tiny dancers than time worrying about myself.  The few hugs, smiles, and words of personal achievement by my little dancers I was able to catch melted my heart.  Why hadn't I remembered that those little smiles are for what I live?  It's not the applause or even the compliments; it's the growth of self-efficacy and self-esteem in those I teach and mentor for which I live.  Ultimately, life doesn't matter about you.  Life matters about those you help along the way.

  

Gordon B. Hinckley said it best:

"Being humble means recognizing that we are not on earth to see how important we can become, but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others."

My loving and caring man, Mark, does this for me.  He sacrificed of himself and his family to come make a difference in my life by coming to my performance.  He drove over 5 hours beginning at 5 in the morning to get there to surprise me.  I love him.  He has taught me so much about humility, selflessness, and service, for which I could never repay him.  

Let's all learn to cherish the people in our lives a little more.