Come and Gone

October has come and gone.  I'm not exactly sure where it went.  Sheesh.  The beginning of November means the Holidays are fast approaching.  And if the Holidays are near, so is the end of my first semester at GMU.  And if the semester ends, then it means I've accomplished more this year than the last.  And if you give a mouse a cookie....Just kidding.  Kind of.  It just sounds like I'm reading, If You Give Mackenzie the Beginning of a New Month.  :)

I've been very apprehensive of feeling confident in my successes.  Up until mid-October last year, I felt confident.  Then I ended up in the hospital and withdrawing from BYU.  

This year around, I've been very cautious of what I choose to do with my time and the judgments I put on myself.  But, It doesn't help that I can feel Satan trying his hardest right now to make me feel inadequate, unworthy, and unloveable at such a sensitive time in my life.  He's trying to amplify my insecurities and assure himself of my demise.  It's interesting how he likes to do that, eh?

Nobody can have a smile on their face and a sense of self-assurance during tough times.  That's just not right.  But, I'm working.  I'm fighting.  No worries.  

I'm reminded of the clients I worked with over the summer.  I was grateful to catch a glance of one of them crossing an intersection at which I was stopped.  My mind and heart were reminded of the amazing individuals I was blessed to work with.  This specific client would ask my supervisor and me why bad things have to happen to good people.  It's an age-old question that stumps many.  mormon.org has a section on what we believe is the purpose of life.  (http://mormon.org/faq/#Purpose+of+Life)  I want to echo that Heavenly Father wants us to experience a fulness of joy.  But how can we taste the sweet without the bitter, as the cliche goes.  We have to learn and gain experience to be able to help ourselves, and those we associate with, receive that joy.  As an aspiring social worker, I have been told several times that you cannot take clients farther than you've gone in life.  I feel the same applies to friends, family, and loved ones.  Though we might not be able to see it in the midst of things, if we but have faith and focus our sights on the Lord, we can know that the Lord is guiding and directing us.  Thank goodness hindsight is 20/20!  Looking back and seeing this in action is part of the reason why I know what I just wrote is true.

Doubt Not, Fear Not