Broken

Blogging has always been very therapeutic for me, and thus I write on a subject that is very tender to me.  I spent the weekend in Moscow, Idaho and returned late last night.  While I was there, I spent a lot of time contemplating a good title for this blog.  I knew it needed to be written in order to begin healing and I thought of several titles. However, I think this one word sums it up well.  I am broken in so many ways and broken things need to be fixed.  They will never be the same, but I hope and pray my broken heart will act as a muscle--one that will be stronger once it has healed from this devastation.

Instead of rehashing all the ugly details of the past week, I want to focus on a quote that pertains to everyone, but feels as though it has been written for me:

Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek.  He does love you, and He knows your fears.  He hears your prayers.  He is your Heavenly Father, and surely he matches with His own the tears His children shed.

--Jeffrey R. Holland

God knows the pain I am feeling.  He cries when I cry.  He hurts when I hurt.  He counts my tears and mourns for me.  He knows the fear and frustration I feel as well as the torment and despair I am suffering.  However, He, the Father of all creation, also knows what is in store for me.  If I can just weather the storm, there will be glorious blessings in the future.  If I but serve the Lord, the righteous desires of my heart will come to pass.  Maybe not now, but surely by the time I reach heaven.  

I have seen tender mercies poured upon me over the past week:

 

My best friend in Virginia did not wait for me to ask for help.  Instead she appeared on my door step just minutes after I returned home from the moment of my crucible.  

My forever friend allowed me to escape to her home this weekend, with practically no notice.  She wasn't even planning on being home the day I flew in, but God knew I needed her and for an unknown reason, her and her small family travelled back to their home in Idaho just when I needed her the most.

Several quotes have been tailor made for this situation and I know I have found them this weekend, not by coincidence, but by divine intervention.

The last miracle that I will mention on this public blog involves the moments before my hour of need.  I had been praying and fasting that things would be okay, that things would work out.  I also pleaded for peace.  Before traveling into the utter chaos and distress I would soon experience, I felt peace.  Perhaps, the most peace I have felt in a long time.  I thought for sure everything was going to be okay.  However, when things turned to hell, I questioned why I would receive such an answer in one of my most vulnerable moments.  My mother, my spiritual giant and supreme earthly example, suggested that the Lord was embracing me and protecting me before entering the front lines of this emotional battle I must endure.

To those who have supported me and looked after me this weekend, thank you.  My heart will be forever indebted to you.  The texts, phone calls, messages, and social media comments have not gone unnoticed--neither have the prayers on my behalf.  I hope I can do the same for you in your hours of need.  Much love and many thanks to each and every one of you.