I was officially discharged from my treatment program on Thursday. Since then I have been somewhat busy doing things that are meaningful. On Friday, I began my volunteer position at Inova Fairfax Hospital in the Pediatrics Unit. My shift is on Friday from 1-5 pm. So, for the first 2 hours or so I was oriented to the rules and responsibilities of volunteers. The next few hours were spent touring the units that are encompassed by the term "Pediatrics." The PICU, the general Pediatric Unit, and the Oncology/Hematology Unit are all included as well as the Adolescent wing on the 4th floor in the main tower. Whoa! Let's hope that when I return on Friday I don't get lost trying to find my way around the gigantic hospital. Literally, it's gigantic! I am able to separate cases that I work with from my personal "baggage." For example, when I was an intern with Shelter House, I was able to view the cases as just that, cases. I didn't get emotionally involved, but knew there was work to be done and that by being caught up in the tragedies of the situations, nothing would get done. I've found the same applies to my volunteer position at Fairfax Hospital. I see infants, toddlers, children, and teens with apparatus of all shapes and sizes attached to them, and yet I don't begin to cry and feel overwhelmed emotionally. Instead I see children who need, for their healing process and wellbeing, to smile. I have found a passion: Working with children in the hospital. I think I want to become a social worker in the hospital.
I was told today by a dear friend and mentor that I need to begin to stop dallying in the past and accept my life today and where it's headed. I must admit that I have been depressed looking at where I know my life SHOULD be and what it COULD be. It is time to accept that things probably won't work out as assigned by the "gods of social acceptance." I won't finish school in 4 years and at the same school I started. I won't be married by the time I'm 22, as Mormons tend to insist on. I won't be living on my own by the time I'm 21. And the list could go on and on and on. Shel Silverstein's poem comes to mind:
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be."
Just because I'm not living my life as it SHOULD be or COULD be, doesn't mean I can't have a fulfilling life! "Anything can be."
To catch up on something fun, last week Hanna, a dear friend from BYU, met me in Old Town Alexandria and we walked along the waterfront and down the brick-paved streets, occasionally stopping in a boutique here and an antique shop there. Here's some pictures from the George Washington Masonic Memorial...
Don't you love the sun peaking through the clouds
like "God Rays" as Hanna and I termed?
View of Old Town from the Masonic hill
Yay for Hanna and me!
You are such a beautiful person, Mackenzie Lyn. Inside and out. I am blessed to learn through your example. I love how service oriented you are. Thank you for sharing your inspiring messages. I love you tons, doll!
ReplyDeleteChelsea
So excited to learn about your volunteer work! You are so wonderful with children and they will be blessed by your presence. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI love you.
ReplyDeleteHi Mackenzie,
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't mind that I followed the link to your blog from your Facebook post. I think you've said you've checked out my blog a few times, so if I start stalking you, I guess that just means we're even. :)
I can really relate to the could/should thing. I struggled so much with perfectionism and depression that by my Senior year in high school I was failing several classes and my parents sent me to a pyschologist to see if he could help. After graduation I went to college (beating myself up all the way for not having had the grades to get into BYU) and thought I would be able to put everything behind me. One year in I was failing most of my classes and suffering from such paralyzing fear about going to class that I would drive to campus and sleep in my car so that my roommates wouldn't know something was up.
After a year of a "downward spiral of self-destruction" as my mom called it, I withdrew from school. It was hard, and it was embarrassing. I had a lot of self-doubt and thought everyone was judging me for my decision. But it was the best thing I ever did. My life has turned out very differently than I planned, and dropping out of school wasn't the norm or the admired thing to do, but after I made that decision I was able to get myself healthy, which was the most important thing. I am so much better off now for having made that choice.
Anyway, that was way more detail than you ever wanted to know, I'm sure. I wish you the best in whatever struggles you are dealing with and I think you are an amazing woman - sometimes I still think of how inspired I felt to ask you to be Mary in the church Nativity and feel so grateful I had the chance to know you, however briefly, and see your worth and beauty in that role.
Take care,
Bonnie Overly