1.) As of an hour ago, I signed up for BYU's 10 Day Body Image Challenge. Starting October 10th, every day my life will be focused on an activity that will challenge body dissatisfaction and promote gratitude for my body. The only thing I regret is not signing up for it earlier when they had their free "BEAUTIFUL" t-shirts in stock. :)
2.) I have been taking time each day to think of the people in my life for whom I am grateful. Roommates. Oh how easy it would be for my roommates to snap at me each time I say something without thinking. Or every time I procrastinate taking out the trash. I am the youngest in my apartment by a whole year, though sometimes it feels like I am a toddler compared to the beautiful, fun, and knowledgable women I am living with. Living with roommates helps me remember to take others' lives and circumstances into perspective. Hopefully I'll change for the better this semester. Contrary to popular belief, the funnest experiences for girls happen late at night. Take last night for example. Three of us girls went to the grocery store at 1:30 AM. Fun beyond belief.
Model poses of the roommates:
3.) My weakness is to fall into the trap of beating myself up over every little thing. Because it's my fault I'm not married (yet). Because when there's silence in a conversation, it's all a sign that I am socially inept. Right? The list could go on. But I am trying to work on changing my viewpoint into how these things are blessings. For example, if I was married at my tender age of 20, would I really be happy? Would I have had enough experience to decide who I want to grow with, fight with, and work with for the rest of the eternities? I am so grateful I can learn from the classes in my major and minor, as well from my (many) engaged and married friends. I am certainly not at the same developmental level as many who are my age and who are at different stages of their lives. To sum it up: No comparing! You will never win.
4.) I lack a lot of the social skills my peers have been able to develop over the years. I blame it on the 13+ years I spent aiming to become a professional ballerina. There's no need to be social in a field where you use your body to communicate. Additionally, those who spent their Friday nights out with friends were strongly chastised by the ballet mistress. Deprivation was equated with dedication. If you weren't in the studio late Friday night, you were lazy. It is easy for me to get caught up in the memories of the dance world. I am trying to move on. Past the self-defeating messages that were engrained in me. Past the "what if I kept with it" day dreams. Past the longing for the identity I had when I danced. Maybe someday I can move past the trauma of it all and dance, once again, for fun. For the pure joy it used to bring me. But, as in my last post, I will not focus on what I lack, but what I am blessed to have. From the dance experience, I have gained the challenge to learn to love and appreciate myself. Challenges make the lessons learned so much more meaningful. I have gained insight into what my limits are. I had to end the unhealthy results I had because of dance and have learned when I need to say "stop" or "no." I am blessed with flexibility that I still love to show off.
5.) Through the craziness of this semester, I have come across people who I don't get along with. I try not to mind that I'm not their favorite person either. By recognizing what I can't stand about someone, I can ask myself, "do I do that?" or "is that how I come across?" It's all in the process of becoming the person I want to be.
I've probably lost most of those who started reading this post. But, at least I can say it was therapeutic for me. ;)
I LOVE your blog, Kenzi Lyn! You say some very insightful, beautiful things--and I'm glad you're willing to share them.
ReplyDeleteLove you!